…and is it because I’m not a zoomer?

Remember this is an opinion piece and you’re free to like whatever you like.

If Analog Horror fills you with joy I’m happy for you. It’s just not my cup of tea.

…

Analog horror has only been around for a few years but it’s made a massive impact in the horror community…or has it?

Videomaker.com has a great article about Analog Horror which I’ll link to below and they describe Analog Horror as…

Analog horror is different from traditional horror projects in several ways.

There are obvious things, such as having shorter runtimes — average analog horror videos are under 10 minutes — and screening primarily online only.

Though, what really makes analog horror unique — what sets it apart from the found footage genre it sprang from — is the fact these projects feature few, if any, characters.

Rather than focusing on specific characters and their journey, the analog horror style essentially makes you — the viewer — into a character as the events you’re watching unfold.

Analog horror makes it feel like you’re looking “behind the curtain,” so to speak. You might be witnessing things you’re not supposed to see.

There’s a sense that, in watching, you might become part of the story and thus more susceptible to the horrors you’re seeing.

That’s a lot of words to say pretentious creepypastas.

Far from the industry game changer of “Found Footage” Analog Horror is mostly creepypastas, YouTube fads, and maybe a couple of digital feature films like Skinamarink (2022).

Some people want to stretch the term to involve anything horror that has technology in it (to include good stuff) but that’s not happening.

So yeah, Personally…

I don’t like Analog Horror. To me it’s similar to Found Footage where for every REC (2007) there are a million shitty movies that no one remembers.

It’s not just that I don’t find it scary.

The truth is even though I love horror I don’t find horror films I watch scary and I enjoy them in spite of that.

I like movies with supernatural themes and what scares me are psycho killers and murder porn so I don’t watch those.

The most I’ve ever been affected by a horror film is feeling deeply unsettled and “off” for the rest of the day but it’s more of a general mood then being “scared” by something.

I’ve had similar reactions to particularly trippy episodes of Sci-Fi shows so it’s more being immersed then scared like “movie blindness” after a theater experience.

Everything there is to know about the analog horror genre

Videomaker.com’s great article talks about about what Analog Horror is and why it’s popular.

In it they have a great list of common tropes in Analog Horror and I think examining those will be the key to determining why I personally don’t like Analog Horror and others do…

Let’s examine this list…

• Progressive horror: Analog horror projects typically all start off relatively tame/mundane and get steadily scarier as the video continues.

1.Progressive horror

This…really isn’t so much a trademark of Analog Horror as it is a general horror trope.

You don’t want to show your cards all at once after all.

Unless I’m misremembering a favorite movie and it was actually called Rosemary’s Beta. (Buh-Dum-Tish!)

• Twisting the mundane: Analog horror frequently takes innocuous elements and warps them into something terrifying. Oftentimes this is accomplished via the use of contradictory imagery and sound. Music associated with easy listening (like on a “Technical Difficulties” broadcast slate) over images/videos of horrible things creates an unsettling contrast.

2.Twisting the mundane

The “mundane” in this case tends to all be stuff from a scary and distant time called the 1990’s.

Maybe it’s because I was actually alive at that time and not a zoomer but I have extremely pleasant memories of VHS tapes, Chuck E. Cheese robots and Retro game consoles…

That’s not scary to me.

To me there’s no difference between a haunted VHS and a haunted 4K Blu-ray. The scary thing is that it is haunted! (Wouldn’t it be scarier in a higher resolution too?)

A possessed Doll isn’t scary it’s the demon that’s scary. You can just punt a doll.

A house isn’t normally scary but if there is a serial killer in the house then it becomes scary.

You can’t just take a random weird thing from the nineties…

and add filters, red eyes, static, and a story about how it’s haunted by the spirit of a cursed child and expect to be the next Shirley Jackson.

• Vague meanings: Analog horror projects are often purposefully vague. Audiences must interpret what they’ve watched for themselves. This ties into the idea viewers are seeing events that have already happened. It leaves them feeling helpless, with things far beyond their control. The desired result here is to get viewers talking, theorizing and sharing their thoughts with others in the horror community.

3. Vague meanings

Oh boy…

Personally and this is a me thing.

I’m a fan of knowing what’s going on in movies.

Unless you’re David Lynch ninety-nine percent of the time it’s just frustrating.

Lynch also has a point to his work even if it’s esoteric it’s not just random nonsense THERE IS A STORY even if it’s not always clear or linear.

Even the Blair Witch Project had a clear ending. It was mysterious but it was clear what was happening you just didn’t know WHY.

Though I choose to believe everyone just went insane from getting lost in the woods and Heather Donahue’s endless yelling.

Unfortunately for Analog Horror ambiguity is usually all it has.

WHO?, WHERE?, WHY?, WHEN?, HOW? are all thrown out the window for the sake of a “spooky experience”.

My opinion is essentially Martin Scorsese’s opinion on Marvel Movies being “theme park rides” and not “cinema”. You go in for the jumpscares and chemical reactions in your brain and click off thinking “Wow that was scary!” instead of actually being scared or in my case entertained.

• Left to the imagination: What makes analog horror so frightening has nothing to do with the gore or jump scares. Viewers are left in the dark and forced to imagine the horrors unfolding. They’ll be dwelling on things long after they’ve finished watching.

4. Left to the imagination

A common rule of thumb for writers is show don’t tell.

Analog horror tends to go the extreme opposite by telling not showing and not telling us anything of substance on top of it.

Showing things costs money and while I would argue not showing things and alluding to them is an artform unto itself…it’s mostly that way in analog horror because of inexperienced writers with limited budgets.

• No soundtrack: Real life doesn’t include a soundtrack. In order to maintain the illusion of these videos being from the real world, analog horror won’t include musical scores unless it makes sense for what’s happening (e.g. music playing in a vehicle, theme songs part of the television broadcasts, etc).

5. No soundtrack

Not every scene needs a soundtrack but let’s be real it’s because the kids making these don’t know how to get royalty free music.

• Beyond comprehension: A key factor in analog horror is the idea that what audiences are watching has no easy explanation. Whether it’s cryptids, Eldritch horrors or alternate dimensions, analog horror projects tap into that fear of the unknown.

6. Beyond Comprehension

Here we go!

This is where we could get some classic Lovecraftian horror!

Except…not.

The unfathomable forces of evil that exist beyond human comprehension seem content/limited to appearing in outdated physical media and old office buildings.

Take the analog horror “classic” Sonic.exe for example. (which once it lost it’s popularity was BANISHED FROM THE CREEPYPASTA WIKI for being of “low quality” and criticized for having too many cliches. Oh the irony!)

Spoiler Alert: An eldritch abomination resides on a hacked rom on a burned CD-R and then manifests as a plushie.

There was an episode of some ghost show where a demon possessed a CERAMIC GIRAFFE.

That demon got the superior assignment.

Yeah… I can see why they would want to hide this foundational piece of their genre too.

It’s much more mind-blowing to me to think about God always existing and being outside of the universe and space-time having created them.

As a linear being that’s pretty overwhelming on the brain and that’s just basic theology!

“Through a glass, darkly” indeed.

• No happy endings: Much like the found footage genre it spawned from, there are virtually no happy endings in analog horror. As things grow more disturbing, viewers have no choice but to sit and observe. Videos often end when things are at their worst.

7. No Happy Endings

Ah… one of the laziest tropes imaginable!

One that hasn’t meant anything for about…say ten years after the Hayes Code was repealed and it’s censorious stranglehold was banished to the shadow realm.

Okay, that’s a bit harsh. Plenty of great movies have sad or bittersweet endings but the problem primarily lies in lazy horror.

Like the “sequel tease” lazy horror uses the “Bad End” as a final got ‘cha rather then the crescendo of a well written tale…or even something that makes sense.

To me knowing a character knows how to escape/survive a situation if they do XYZ even if they fail is more entertaining then…the demon is all-powerful and you’re all f***ed!

Plus I just hate sad endings even if I can recognize they are good well-written endings.

That’s a me thing.

So there you have it.

Analog Horror.

Maybe I’m wrong and it is the future of the horror genre.

A24, which has produced some of the best horror films of the last 10 years, has announced that they are working on a film adaptation of the Backrooms based on Kane Parsons’ videos, with Parsons directing.

Though I suspect it will be more traditional if minimalist a production and not “Analog Horror” unless again you stretch the term to include anything involving technology.

But hey, stuff from the internet always translates into good movies right?

…Right?

Well…

Until then…

I’m Nathan Edward Priem and THAT was something else.