The incredibly tame stuff that scared me as a young kid.

I was a sensitive sheltered kid who always obeyed my parents when it came to media so my “Young Childhood Trauma” list isn’t going to include anything “shocking” except for how even tame things can shock a young child’s brain.

Let’s get started!

5. The Opening to Fraggle Rock

Oh yeah we’re getting into the hardcore shit.

I never liked Fraggle Rock despite loving Muppets and I think the opening was a big reason why.

The EVIL FUCKING TERRIFYING GIANTS aka Gorgs just straight up grab one of the Fraggles like it’s nothing and then messily devours them.

…At least that’s what I pictured when I changed the channel.

This is still more scary then anything in Attack on Titan…probably because it features puppets.

4. The Hobbit (1977) The Spiders of Mirkwood

I never really understood the fear of spiders (other than poisonous ones) over say any other bug.

IF ALL SPIDERS WERE AS CREEPY AS THESE I’D UNDERSTAND!

It didn’t help it had that creepy 70’s animation or Bilbo looked like a weird caricature of an old woman.

I had to have my Dad watch the rest and tell me what happened.

The only way I slept that night was the fact we were getting AOL the next day and imagining literally “surfing the web”.

Thankfully this web didn’t contain those FUCKING SPIDERS! (Though it contained other horrors…)

3. Tornado Footage

I fucking hate tornados and one of my lovely teachers is to blame.

We were studying weather in 3rd grade and my teacher thought it would be great to read a chapter book about how a tornado FUCKING OBLITERATES A TOWN.

I specifically remember a scene where the townsfolk WENT TO IDENTIFY THE BODIES PULLED FROM A SCHOOL AND THE CHILDREN RECOGNIZED THEIR FRIENDS.

I think one character lost their entire family.

Why did she do that to me?

Even storms still scare me because they can lead to those fucking things.

When I was staying at my grandparents’ house I tried to conquer my fear by watching a weather channel special and instead nearly made myself sick with fear.

The moral?

What you teach kids is important. DON’T MESS IT UP!

2. Jabba the Hutt “eating” Princess Leia

Okay this one is a case of me being a wimp and having a overactive imagination.

When I was about 7 my friend Jay brought over Return of the Jedi and I had never seen any Star Wars.

I ended up closing my eyes so much it looked like Oola the Slave Girl was Princess Leia and Jabba reached into the Rancor’s pit and ate her instead of a frog.

We ended up watching “The New Adventures of Winnie The Pooh” which is kino btw.

Ironically when I got older and into Star Wars (Before the dark times… Before the sequels…) Return of The Jedi was (still is) my favorite Star Wars Film.

ALSO THERE IS APPARENTLY A FETISH CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE FOR JABBA’S PALACE.

1. Nobody believes Ernie about the mummy.

I was a big Sesame Street fan as a kid and Ernie and Bert were my favorites.

My grandparents had a VHS tape of them and it was one of my favorites…

…But this one segment had me hiding my face in my Grandpa’s chair.

Ernie and Bert are exploring an Egyptian pyramid when suddenly a MUMMY (They say “statue” but it’s a fucking MUMMY.) COMES TO LIFE.

Ernie justifiably freaks the fuck out and goes to get Bert…and the mummy is back in it’s pose and Ernie is dismissed as crazy.

Lather, rinse, retraumatize me and eventually the fiendish pharaoh (LET MY MUPPETS GO!) reveals himself to Bert who also justifiably freaks the fuck out.

It wasn’t the moving “””statue””” that bothered me it was the fact no one believed Ernie that in fact a monster was real and tormenting him.

For a small child who still believed in monsters that was the worst.

Loved that VHS tape though.

Here it is on YouTube if you want to experience some CINEMA.

There you have it.

HEY!

I WAS A YOUNG CHILD!

Wait till you see my list of things that scared me as an (older) child!

Well…

Until then…

I’m Nathan Edward Priem and THAT was something else.